Quit worrying if it's you. Chances are, it's not.
1. List some things you want to say to 20 different people but you know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
1.) I love you. Sometimes, I get so mad at you, my blood literally boils. Sometimes I think you're terribly unfair and that sometimes you never see my side. Sometimes you annoy to me no end and I feel like just telling you exactly what is on my mind but I never can. But somehow, through all this, I love you.
2.) I think that if we tried, we could've made it last. I think that if we put a little more effort into it, we could've made it work. Unfortunately, I was too immature and you weren't ready to put up with me just yet. I don't think we should ever give it another chance because we're just too different now and the moment has passed us by. I do want you to know that I did love you and that all the feelings were real. And I never, ever lied to you about loving you. Ever.
3.) You are a total hypocrite. I don't understand you at all. I thought you were my best friend but you went and stabbed me in the back. I think I can forgive you if that's what you want but I am not going to ask forgiveness from you. Yes, it may be the pride talking, but until you have the balls to stand in front of me and tell me to my face that I did something wrong and you explain exactly what that is, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE because I didn't do anything to you. And if the rumors are true, I just want to tell you that you are so shallow, I am shocked I ever called you a friend.
4.) I miss you. I miss you so badly that I can't even stand in a room that smells like you. I miss you so much to the point that when I think of you, tears just suddenly well up in my eyes and I can't help it. You were so unfair to leave me like that. You were supposed to walk down the aisle with me but you left before you could. I miss you, I love you and I wish things went differently. But they didn't.
5.) You're a really good friend. But to tell you the truth, I don't think she and you will make a good couple. I just can't see it...I don't know. Maybe you two will be happy together if it ever happens but for now, I just can't see it. I'm sorry to say that but it's the truth. I will still support you 100% though. And I hope that you will forgive me for this.
6.) I used to have the biggest crush on you. I used to think you were extremely good-looking and very, very...what's the word...desirable? Perhaps. But now, I've got to tell you...though indeed, you are good-looking and wouldn't mind having your children (lol - no, I don't mean I want to bed you), I think you're just a good friend.
7.) You take advantage of me. You may think I don't notice but you do. You're good at manipulating people, yes. But if you think you're manipulating me, think again. I will never, ever, ever give you that satisfaction. If sometimes I play dumb, it's to feed your ego. Because I care for you. Also, you disappoint me with your so-called "ideals of love". Don't defend yourself or him, because whether or not you're telling the truth now, you've already lied to me.
8.) You're my best friend. I've always, always thought you were my best friend. And everytime you say otherwise or pretend that we're not that close, hurts me. It's like a dagger to the heart. I take it lightly and pretend you never said it. I know I've hurt you before. I know I've made a lot of mistakes. I know that throughout our friendship you've always, always been the better friend. But I really hope that you can give me another chance. I'm trying to change for you.
9.) If sometimes I seem extremely over-the-top, it's because I want to impress you. I know that sounds a little pathetic but it's because I look up to you. You are my mentor and I've learned so much from you. I don't really "like" it when you call me "princess" but it always makes me feel better and it makes me feel loved. When I don't get letters from you, I feel sad. I miss you. You take care.
10.) I'm sorry. Your boyfriend tried to leave you for me. I know that sounds like I'm bragging but I really want to apologize. Nothing happened, I promised I didn't let it once I knew you were involved. I wish I could be open with you about it because everytime we talk, it's like a weight at the back of my mind. I know that it would be better if I never say anything and that's why I choose not to. I just wish I could tell you because I feel that you should know exactly what he did behind your back. But I just can't because you seem so in love.
11.) I really hate you right now. I mean, I can't believe you didn't ask me to come. You chose her instead. Her. Just because she won that award? Cripes, you guys really don't deserve the loyalty I give to you. So I'm seriously retracting my extreme fidelity to your fine institution. I will help, I will visit...but I am tired of defeding your honor when you don't even give me enough credit. And yes, I'm still steaming about your messed-up definition of a good journalist.
12.) You ruined my life. You manipulative b*tch. I can't believe how you played the cards I gave you. I respected you enough to risk my reputation for you. But you didn't even know how to return the respect I gave you. You used me. Openly, blatantly. But you know what the worst part is? First, you drag my friends into it. Then you pretend to defend her in front of the entire assembly after the damage was already dealt by your own hand. Then, to save her, you pointed your grimy finger at me. THAT'S where you lost my respect. You are a pathetic excuse for a peacemaker. Oh, and your attempts at fixing things? It just made matters worse.
13.) I think you're a great friend and I take you for granted. I want you to know that I probably wouldn't have survived Freshman year without you. I could never tell you this face-to-face (or in real life) but yes, you are far more important to me than her. Yes, she and I match on an intellectual level but you are my support. It's you I lean on. Everytime you leave me, I feel a little lost. You help boost my confidence. I'm really thankful to you for that.
14.) You're another person I couldn't have survived Freshman year without. Maybe not the same Freshman year but...yeah. You are so important to me, I can't even explain it. I know I have a temper, I promise I'm working on it. I thank you that we are still close even through all the hard times we went through. I do love you, bro. And thanks for being on my side.
15.) No, I haven't forgiven you yet. When I talk to you, I am not being plastic. I like you, I just haven't forgiven you. If that doesn't make any sense to you, then you don't know me at all. And that's just sad.
16.) I hate the fact that you didn't fight for me. That you didn't fight for us. I can't believe how apathetic you were. It's partially because of you that I miss him so much. It's because everything lacking in you, I found in him. So when I lost him, it was doubly difficult because you were extremely wanting. Though don't get me wrong, you still have my respect. And I like you. I just find you mildly incompetent.
17.) You disappointed me. Maybe I have no right to tell you that, but you disappointed me. I was surprised at how easily you could disregard love for money. Then again, you've never been the idealist. Always the harsh realist, you often gave me a dose of your bitter cynicism once in a while. However, I heartily wish you all the best (no, I'm not being sarcastic).
18.) I love you. You're imperfect in almost any way imaginable but I love you. I love you because you put up with me even when you don't really understand me. She dismisses me when I'm being difficult but you never do. I thank you for that. And that's beyond being relatives.
19.) I've had a crush on you for the longest time. I know you'll never see me the way I see you because you saw me grow up and you'll probably always think of me as your little sister. But I just want you to know that I've always really admired you. Sometimes your irrational decisions throw me off but over-all, I think you're a great person. I wish we could have been closer but I guess I'm just too juvenile for you. Maybe one day. But not right now.
20.) You and I...we could've have worked if I put my mind to it. Unfortunately, I didn't really want to. We're different you and I...and I've fully convinced myself that you and I don't belong to each other. You want to know the truth? I pushed you away to see if you were sincere. If you had just left her and come back to me with a clean slate and a fresh start, we would have had a chance. But you never did. You just seemed like one of those guys who never leave their present girlfriends until they're sure they have another one to replace the old one. I hate guys like that. Then again, maybe you did love her and find it that hard to leave her. If the second is true, it affirms my convictions even more. Stay with her. Let her have your babies. I don't want them. Seriously. Our genes will make for some ugly babies.
I TAG:
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chocoholic_0721aisha_addictchartreWhy? Because I can.
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